For the Record Gazette

This is a tough time of year for me and lots of other people who struggle with and through the holidays. I miss my husband and I miss too many family and friends who are gone too soon.

The religious significances of the holidays too often take a back seat to the marketing of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza and many other holidays caught up in the likes of Black Friday, Cyber Monday and any other sales or marketing tools designed to have people spend more money than they should or can afford.

This year is no different for me. If anything, it's a bit financially worse. My expenses have increased and my income hasn't. Unfortunately, my savings account has a bottom and I'm reaching it!

My parents passed away years ago, my husband left this earth about three years ago and my baby brother a year before that. Other than a few cousins scattered throughout the country, I do not have much of a family. I am fortunate to have a number of dear friends who make up my family.

My husband Bill had two sons and I remain in close contact with one of them. He's got a smart and talented wife and two growing sons. My stepson and his wife have done an excellent job of keeping them grounded. They have taught both of them the value of reading. They have taught them that things are earned - they're not entitlements. They have also tried to instill in them a sense of social responsibility. I applaud them for this excellent formula of parenting.

This year I was going to send both young men the usual check or gift card. I suspect it would be momentarily acknowledged, and then be cast aside with thoughts of BMWs and iPods dancing in their heads. Hey, they are 12 and 16 and world peace may not be in their first thought waves.

I serve on the Board of Directors of several organizations. I am deeply committed to these nonprofit groups. While there are usually people named on boards for their “marquee” value, I'm a working board member. With that responsibility comes labor, asking other community members to join or contribute and making a financial contribution either annually or when funds are desperately needed. Serving on a board can be a full-time job Š you just don't get paid for it.

I realized early on that this Christmas/Hanukkah was going to be a lean one for me when it came to reaching into my not-so-deep pockets. Much to my chagrin, I had to admit I couldn't do everything I needed or wanted to. I was going to have to sacrifice something and this made me mad and sad.

My quandary ended when I thought of a gift my stepson gave to his dad and me every year. Between the books and practical gifts, he always made a donation to www.heifer.org.

American farmer Dan West, the founder of Heifer International, was serving as a Church of the Brethren relief worker in Spain during the Spanish Civil War when he became frustrated at being forced to decide how to allocate a very limited amount of food aid.

Upon his return to the United States, he founded Heifers for Relief, a Little Rock, Arkansas-based organization dedicated to providing permanent freedom from hunger by giving families livestock and training so that they “could be spared the indignity of depending on others to feed their children.”

The basic philosophy of Heifers for Relief was based on the proverb, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; you have fed him for a lifetime.” West also conceived the slogan “Give not a cup, but a cow.”

Heifer envisions a world of communities living together in peace and equitably sharing the resources of a healthy planet. Heifer's mission is

to work with communities to end hunger and poverty and to care for the earth.

This simple idea of giving families a source of food rather than short-term relief caught on and has continued for over 60 years. Today, millions of families in 128 countries have been given the gifts of self-reliance and hope.

WHEN I got involved, my gift-giving mission became much clearer. Much to my delight, I did not have to choose between one or the other. I could and did both. I sent a check to two organizations in each of my grandson's names. I requested that both executive directors send each young man a letter explaining where the donation in their honor would go and how much good it would do.

Not only did I get to honor these wonderful grandsons, but someone would benefit from a much-needed donation. Hopefully, both grandsons will recognize what I have done in their honor and pick up the habit of giving to others who have less.

I think “Mr. Bill” would be proud of me. If he was still here, we could have signed it with both of our names.

I wish you all a season of giving, happiness and health.

(IN THE REAL WORD is written for the Record Gazette by Gail Paparian, a Banning resident for nearly six years, has served on Banning (and Riverside County) commissions and committees. She currently serves on these boards: Community Blood Bank, San Gorgonio Pass Rotary, San Gorgonio Pass Boys and Girls Club and a member of the Banning Economic Development Committee. )